


did you at least think of me?

by eliottsevak



Series: Buddie-Verse [8]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Break Up, F/M, M/M, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-09
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2020-01-07 04:31:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18403154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eliottsevak/pseuds/eliottsevak
Summary: “Did you at least think of me, when you were having sex with her?”





	did you at least think of me?

Shannon is kissing up and down his neck, sucking marks and running her hands down his chest, her hands feel nice but not as good as Buck's, he's reminded of the last time they slept together, at their goddamn wedding, days before Shannon dashed off and never returned, leaving Eddie in the middle of Texas with Christopher. 

Now her hands are in his pants and Eddie doesn't want this, he doesn't want to sleep with Shannon, and how did this happen? When did Shannon kiss him, and did he kiss back? 

Eddie suddenly jerks, broken from whatever spell is going on in his mind and get up, zipping up his jeans and buttoning his flannel back on his tanned body. 

"I can't do this Shannon. I have a boyfriend. A fucking boyfriend." Eddie snarled, suddenly angry. He felt embarrassed and ashamed, Shannon always had ways to make him feel on top of the world and then at rock bottom the next. 

He drives home with tears in his eyes contemplating whether or not he should tell Buck. He knows he should tell him about it, But Buck is insecure about these things, being cheated on because of his ex, so it would be better not to tell him. 

So Buck doesn't have to feel like he wasn't enough for Eddie, Eddie knows he will feel like that. Even though Buck is more than Eddie ever deserves. 

He gets home after wiping his tears, and Chris and Buck are watching the 90's teenage mutant ninja turtles on tv, well Buck is, considering Chris is passed out curled into his side.

Eddie's heart warms. He can't lose this. He can't lose Buck and he can't lose his family. These two are his family. He can't tell Buck, no matter how much it eats away at him. He can't have Buck feel bad, he can't- can't have Buck hate him. 

"Hey," he says softly. Buck looks up and smiles, giving him his 'come kiss me' eyes, and Eddie forgets about Shannon, kissing Buck until they're sitting on the couch next to each other, lazily making out. 

"Let's get Christopher to bed and then continue this" Buck whispered. Eddie nodded and gently scooped Chris into his arms. He carried his son to his room and laid him down in his bed. 

He smiled at how cute his son looked in bed before being pulled backward, his back landing on to Buck's hard chest. He leaned his head back on Buck's shoulder and kissed along his neck. 

Buck tugged him off to their bedroom, and they didn't get to bed until hours later. 

···

When Buck slammed the door when he walked in Eddie knew immediately what had happened. 

A cold dread spread through him as he turned to look at his boyfriend, he was crying, and red in the face, looking defeated. And holding up his phone. 

It was Eddie in the bathroom stall of the restaurant, Shannon kissing along his neck. Eddie could fucking sob right now. 

They stared at each other what felt like hours, but it was mere minutes until Buck burst into another round of tears, this is exactly what Eddie didn't want, for Buck to be hurt, but he was. 

Eddie tried to wrap his arms around him, but Buck shoved him off. "Don't touch me, Diaz! You lying son- son of a bitch!" Buck stuttered, he felt like shit. He just wanted Buck to not know. Not to be hurt. But he was anyways. 

"Buck I'm sorry- it isn't what you think-" Eddie was cut off. 

“Did you at least think of me, when you were having sex with her?” Buck snarled, he looked so angry and defeated, and Eddie wanted to tell him the truth. That he didn't sleep with Shannon, that he was thinking of Buck, that he didn't want to sleep with Shannon. 

But he had hurt Buck so much, so fucking much these past months. He isn't, he wasn't good for him. Buck deserves someone better, doubts and insecurities never nipped at the back of Eddie's mind like that.

Eddie always pushed them away, thought rationally that no- Buck didn't hate him for forgetting to pick up toilet paper. Why would he? It was an accident.

Would Buck believe him if he said that? Told him the truth, would it strain their relationship, make Buck not be able to trust him, make him even more insecure. 

"No. I didn't think of you." Eddie said. His own eyes welling with tears. Buck deserved better than this entire mess. His mess, his son and his wife. Their messy life. 

Buck stared at him for a moment and walked closer. Eddie thought he would slap him, kick him, punch him. But Buck grabbed his face and left a chaste kiss on his lips. 

When they pulled apart, foreheads still touching it took all of Eddie's willpower not to kiss him again. 

"I knew you still fucking loved her" Buck spat, and he left, slamming the door behind him. 

It wasn't the last time Eddie saw Buck, but it was the last time that Buck lived with them. Worked at the same station. And when they ran into each other for years, both back with Abby and Shannon, and pretended to hate each other when all they wanted to do was kiss each other until they couldn't stop breathing. 

Well then, Buck and Eddie didn't have to know the other still loved them with everything they had.


End file.
